I Responded To Tinder Guys with Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy

I hate dating. Especially online dating. Online dating is like a box of chocolates...ya never know what you're going to get. You don't know if it's really the person in their pictures, if those pictures were taken 20 years ago, if they were popular in high school or a serial killer. Quite honestly, I'd prefer to go to the dentist because at least at the dentist you can mentally prepare, you know what you're in for.

I love Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. They used to always serve as my away messages on AIM. Well, either that or a provocative Britney Spears lyric. If you are not an old lady like me, you will remember away messages. I put much time and effort into them and by doing so, I became quite familiar with many of Jack Handy's brilliant musings.

I've read the articles where people respond to potential online suitors as Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City or as Rachel from friends. I decided I would respond as Jack Handy. I figured that if any guy looked at my response and responded with a deep thought of his own, I'd know I had found my soulmate.

SPOILER ALERT: I did not find my soulmate.

I did, however, amuse myself greatly. Hopefully you be amused as well.

Note: I am not Latina. I am flattered he thinks so though.

He stopped responding and unmatched with me after this. Unfortunately, we will never know what his favorite meal is.

This next guy seemed really nice and I feel a little bad. Not THAT bad though clearly.

He was probably the closest to being my soulmate. I hope he does meet someone great that's not off their rocker.

Definitely scared this next guy.

And that was that. I sent these texts to my mom figuring she'd think I was hilarious. She did not. First, she felt bad that I mentioned numerous times I felt like I didn't receive enough love from my family, friends or even bugs. She assured me that I was very loved and that she'd pay for me to have a "tune up" with my therapist. Then she asked why I was talking to guys like this when I'm 36 and single. She seemed quite concerned about it all, but I made sure to let her know that I knew I was very loved and not to worry because I was simply quoting Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. I don't think this did not much to ease her concern because well, I'm still 36 and single. Still, I gotta hold out hope that my person is still out there. He's just running a little late. He must have missed the monorail.