Yes, I'm talking about fictional characters on Beverly Hills 90210. And yes, Dylan chose Kelly, the blonde bombshell with the baby voice. This girl in my class named Megan proudly announced that Dylan obviously chose Kelly because she was blonde. Megan was also blonde. I remember standing up and shouting "NO, Dylan chose Kelly because he had been with Brenda forever and they needed a new storyline!" I was in like fourth grade and clearly wise beyond my years and already well versed in screenwriting, even if I didn't know it.
Yet a part of me has always wondered, did Dylan choose Kelly because she was blonde? It's not really a blonde/brunette thing. I guess I just wonder, why was Becca safe? Because she put her entire heart out there? Because she had more personality? Because she was brunette? It pisses me off that he called her safe, but this is a little bit personal. #TEAMBRENDA clearly.
On another note, I'm such a hypocrite. Lately, I've been preaching about people who make Youtube videos and tweet about public figures they don't know. I'm all, who has time for that, it's so sad, if I was tweeting rude things to random celebrities I'd hope someone would intervene and tell me to re-evaluate my life. Yet, here I am. Blogging and tweeting about The Bachelor. So I acknowledge this and I'm going to try to be nicer in this one. No one deserves to be bullied online, not even sociopaths. Sorry that just came out.
I guess it's just that we've all been Becca at some point. We've all had our hearts broken, been blindsided and had to mourn the loss of an important person in our lives and the future we dreamed of with them in our minds. It sucks under the best of circumstances and I can't imagine having it be on camera. But some good points were made. Having Ari be so cold and so final, being able to watch your heart be broken and having a really tangible reason as to why (Lauren), makes getting over it so much easier. It's so much harder when they are nice and can't give you an explanation because you still have hope, you still think of them fondly, you still wonder what could have been. It didn't take long for Becca to realize that Arie gave her the greatest gift of all. He made her the Bachelorette. He made people feel the need to venmo her money so she could buy wine. Instead of mourning a grey haired man who has panic attacks in wool sweaters, Becca gets to wear sequined designer dresses while 25 hot men fight over her. So if that meant Becca would have to look at some pictures and journal entries while being filmed and crying then so be it. And I don't blame her one bit. I don't know if she handled herself so well because she knew she'd be the Bachelorette, because she's a publicist or because she's simply the nicest and classiest person ever, but I gotta give it to her. I've handled myself less well after like one date.
I don't know Arie Lyundek Jr. He could be the nicest guy on the planet and rescue puppies from mills and feed orphans in his spare time. I don't agree with how he handled things, but I've never been The Bachelorette. Though if we are being honest, I've imagined what I would say to my runner up. And since I'm 36 and way too old for this show (cause THAT is the reason I'll never be the Bachelorette) I'm going to share my speech with you. Ready?
"In another time and another place, I truly believe we could have something amazing. But in this time, in this place and on this journey...my heart has led me in another direction."
That's all I got, but I made sure to include the word "journey." I don't know what I'd do. Maybe I'd get swept up in the moment and accept a proposal. I'd definitely sleep with at least two of the guys in the fantasy suites because you gotta try before you buy. I guess it just seemed like Arie really should not have proposed. But he did. And then it seemed like he really should have talked to Becca in private. But maybe their breakup did need to be seen by everyone, including Becca, for all of us to move on. He definitely should have left when she asked him to leave. He could have shown a little more empathy and been more careful about his choice of words (saying he was 1000 percent over her and he chose her because she was safe seemed pretty insensitive). Proposing to Lauren so soon after all this also seems crazy. Perhaps they should have some coffee with coconut milk first and take some time to let all of this blow over. But at the end of the day, who am I to judge? Lauren and Arie seem happy together and that's swell. Becca is the true winner of this situation and she's ready to do the damn thing. And in the wise words of Jason Mesnick, there are more important things going on in the world and even sociopaths deserve happiness. Oops I did it again! I'm kidding. I honestly wish Arie and Lauren happiness. I hope they prove us all wrong and become the next Jason and Molly.
I loved seeing all the girls be genuinely happy for Becca. Usually they plaster on fake smiles thinking they should have been The Bachelorette, but you could tell they really thought she deserved it. I believe that Tia will follow in Raven's footsteps and find love in Paradise. Young Bekka has found love...with huge statement earrings. Caroline has had more airtime then anyone could ever have imagined. Kendall will find a quirky man or bond with a raccoon in Paradise. And then when it dies she will stuff it. And Sienne will marry an intellectual and handsome gentleman who I'd like to name Hans.
Chris Harrison FINALLY got to say with absolute conviction that this was the most dramatic finale ever. And I believe it was. And as I predicted. Becca actually got a pony. OK, it was a horse. You people are so picky. This blog was a little all over the place just like Arie's heart. And that's OK because the heart is a tricky little bugger. I guess all we can do is follow our own the best we can and try not to shatter the hearts of others whenever we can help it. So I'm going to go back to blogging about makeup and trying only to judge others for judging others. For now anyway. Becca's season starts in May...
Editors Note: I'm the editor, but I've always wanted to do that. I love my blonde friends. If I could be blonde, I totally would be for a month or two, but I was informed I look like a Disney princess gone bad. This has just always been a fascinating subject for me. I once even did a science fair project. Blondes.Vs.Brunettes and we placed an actual personal ad in the newspaper because that's how we did things back in the dark ages. But we also had to record a voicemail. So the ads were basically the same except for the hair color and we did different age brackets. But to be totally honest, I can't even remember what hair color won. All I can remember is that my grandma recorded a couple of the voicemails (we needed some different voices). My Mom Mom always prided herself on her sexy hoarse smoker voice. But a couple of the men called the newspaper and complained that she sounded too old. So we had to take them down and my grandma was really insulted. Don't get me wrong, I love being a brunette. I'm in good company (Angelina, Adriana Lima, Megan Fox, Kelly Kapowski), but I can't deny the blonde thing. At the end of the day, Arie really just needed a delusional passive pushover whatever her hair color might be. OMG I'm done now. For real. Just because their proposal made me nauseous doesn't mean I don't wish happiness to all.
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